8-14-09

I have the biggest headrace ever and no one cares… my dad takes me to the mall because he doesn’t want me sitting at home doing nothing. I get that I shouldn’t be home all the time sitting on the computer but when my friends want to take me out to go do stuff he doesn’t let me… Alex (my bro) goes out all the time because he’s 20 now. Still that’s not right. So I get he didn’t want me going out because it was too late but w/e so I went with him to the mall. At the mall I wanted to be nice to show him some dinosaur thing and that’s all I wanted to show him. Good done. I don’t know why he followed me around the mall after words. I was just trying to be nice and show him something cool in the mall. After I showed him what I wanted to show him I started to walk off towards too cool (the hello kitty sanrio anime store). Once I turned in to look at around in the store he was like why you going to look at baby stuff. He also said why don’t you just grow up and stop acting like a baby. That’s not the only thing that pissed me off… when we were walking by hottopic some people about my age where wearing stuff kind of punk emo-ish he called them “cartoons” meaning he thought they looked stupid/bad. It hurt my feelings because the stuff they were wearing were stuff I would wear and do wear. So in a way he was making fun of me too even though I don’t think he realized it. On the ride home he was just talking to Michele. She was just trying to help me out by saying he likes to put people down. He was like “yea I do love to put people down and hurt their feelings to… I most like tying Louie to the cage and hitting him over and over again and putting Bella under water. That’s why they listen to me so well because they are afraid of me.” I started lashing out at him and telling him to shut up. I wanted to start swearing at him but I controlled myself of that. I don’t get why he would say that kind of things about the pets because only someone truly psycho would say or do something like that. After I lashed out at him I just sat in the back seat and cried for a little bit… no one seemed to care about it. No one ever seems to care about it when I cry at home. No one at home at least seems to care. I know my friends care about me and seem to care more about my feelings. I just wish that I could have a week or two to be with people that don’t judge me and or make fun of me or even tries to hurt my feelings. That would be just perfect if I could just be with my friends for one whole week or two.